Emotional Intelligence Managing Oneself

6 Steps to Emotional Mastery

Emotions serve one single purpose - they're a call to action. They're a signal, telling us that either something is going great for us. Or shit for us. Controlling and learning how to deal with your emotions is a remarkable skill. The best part? Here's how!

“Self-discipline begins with the mastery of your thoughts. If you can’t control what you think, you can’t control what you do.”

#1 Perhaps the first thing you should do before eliminating your limiting or negative emotions is to find out what you’re actually feeling and why you are feeling the way you feel. Ask yourself the questions like “Why am I feeling the way I feel?”. You may discover that you carry feelings of anger, frustration or rejection inside of you.
When asking yourself such a question, be careful that you accurately evaluate your current status. That means that you should really aim to find out what kind of emotions you are feeling. Knowing the kind of emotions you feel is critical, as only then you can find a fitting solution to your problem. 

#2 If you can’t immediately identify what you’re really feeling, don’t panic! This can be totally normal. Instead, see the emotions you feel as an action signal that serves as an indicator that you may want to change something in your life. Emotions are like a compass that serve a positive purpose.

“Trade your expectations for appreciation and the world changes instantly.” – Tony Robbins

The purpose of emotions is to steer you in the right direction. So once you know what you feel, start cultivating the feeling of APPRECIATION for all emotions you are feeling! You will find your emotions to calm down immediately. 

#3 Get curious about the message your emotions are offering you. Getting curious helps you master your emotions, solve the challenge and prevent the same problem from occurring in the future.

Sit down and think about how great you would feel simply when following the message your emotions are giving you. This may be easier said than done, but key is to get curious about what your emotions really have to offer you.

Getting curious can also involve questioning your emotions… in a positive way. For example, when you’re feeling lonely get curious and ask “Is it possible that I’m just misinterpreting the situation?” or “Is my loneliness a call to action that I should perhaps connect with more people and take more care of my relationships?”.

The best part about getting curious is that you actively learn to distinguish between your emotions. In the future, this can help you more easily identify what you are really feeling.

#4 The next step is to get confident that you can handle the emotions you are really feeling. The best way to know, that you can handle these emotions, is if you handled emotions before and realized that you’ve successfully handled these in a past situation. If you’ve done so in the past, why not do it again now?

Perhaps, think back to the time you’ve handled those emotions. You may have a “checklist” for what you can do right now to change how you feel. Ask yourself questions like “What did you do back then?” or “Did you take some kind of new action?”.

If you apply this method, this may help you get similar results again… but most importantly, whether you’ve experienced something like this before or not, get confident and know for yourself that you can handle your emotions and grow stronger from them.

#5 Get certain that you can always handle your emotion, not only today but also in the future and for all your life! Again, if you’ve handled emotions before in your past, you may want to rehearse handling situations of emotional intensity and draw up an action plan that helps you as a “guide” to dealing with negative emotions.

#6 After you have read the first five steps of learning how to handle emotions, the final step is to get excited and take action. Get excited about the fact that you can easily handle the emotions you are facing. Take action right away to prove to yourself that you can handle them. For some, it may be to do some physical activity, whilst for others, it may involve making some sort of contribution. The actions we take simply depend on the sort of emotions we feel.

You now have a quick six-step guide that if applied correctly, can help you turn around your emotional state very quickly. We believe that the most important step remains to appreciate the fact that you’re experiencing the emotions you’re feeling. Pushing against them will certainly not help you manage them. Keep in mind that the emotions you feel are nothing more than an action signal telling you to change something in order to make you more fulfilled. 

Remember that killing a monster whilst it’s little is most effective. Hence handling your emotions once they show up and are fresh, is most effective. It’s a lot more difficult to handle emotional patterns once they become full-blown and settle inside of you.

Take-home message. Remember that it is important to really know what sort of emotion you feel. Knowing this, it becomes easier to target them with the appropriate solution. Keep in mind that whenever you feel negative emotions, that you immediately appreciate and accept them. Be grateful for the fact that you are self-aware enough to know your emotions. Once you know them, you can handle them.

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