Love & Intimacy

Relationship Management for 6-year-olds – What To Do… and What Not To Do

It's not always as easy as it looks in Hollywood movies. It takes time, energy, patience, understanding and most importantly, acceptance of one another if you're aiming to truly flourish in your relationship. I believe, there are some key things that both partners should always do and avoid if they aim to manage their relationship to it's best. I compiled a quick list of 3 Dos and Dont's I believe, you should or shouldn't employ in your relationship. Here they are... :-)

What NOT to do…

‘You’re my everything’

‘You’re my everything’ is a pretty lousy saying, and an even worse relationship plan. Saying this is a good indicator that both partners require someone else in your life to feel a sense of internal ‘completion’. This is due to a deep underlying lack of own self-confidence and an inability to value oneself.

Unfortunately, no human can give us emotional stability and confidence we require to fill the missing piece inside of us. They can in the short-term, but certainly not in the long-run. In this respect, many of us are training and conditioning themselves to make their mood dependent on their partner. This will not only frustrate your p artner but also yourself after some while. Dependence is toxic.

Begin to seek stability and confidence by treating your problems by yourself. Be confident and be your own master!

#2 Allowing personal problems to get in the way

Very common and even more tough to manage. Some, if not all of us, have their very own deep-seated problems. These may have emerged from negative or, in rare cases, traumatizing experiences from our childhood our perhaps even from a former partner. It is very easy to hide such problems within yourself and not talk about them with your partner or anyone close to you. The problem with this is that your personal problems can often bring about changes in behavior and actions towards your partner that are noticeable or even hurt their feelings. Of course, many of us have a certain ‘weak-spot’ or ‘trigger’ that drive cause us to go nuts whenever someone hits them, yet it is very important to speak about these with your partner. They deserve to know what is going on inside of you so that both of you can work on the problem together as otherwise, your partner will never really feel that he can be there for you, and equally, he won’t feel that you’re being honest with them.

Surely, this may sound easier than it is… simply going up to your partner and opening yourself up may not be so easy for everyone. In this case, some good ways to go about this, is to seek a close friend, a family member or even a psychologist. But also other ways like prayers or writing in a journal (introspection) can help.

You must accept that whatever experience your past has brought to you, this is now over and never to return! If something triggers you, make sure to communicate this to your partner, as otherwise he will never know why, at times, you may be overreacting or behaving differently. Accept that your partner offers you a place of safety and comfort. Remember, together is better! 🙂

#3 Failing to show your true emotions

This one is quite common. What I mean by this is, that too often, I observe young and also elderly couples who never really talk to each other openly. As we know, communication is like oxygen to a relationship. Without it, it dies. Very quickly. So whatever lies on your heart, don’t be afraid to tell your partner. Even if you feel like you might be embarrassed a little, keep in mind that both of you have chosen to be together because you have fallen in love with each other. And one of the key components of love is to appreciate your partner and always be there for them. By hiding your true emotions, your partner will very quickly begin to notice that something simply isn’t right. Continuing to hide your emotions, your partner will begin to question his approach to the relationship, which in turn, will make things even worse. So keep in mind, to always show what you really feel, as this will give both of you clarity… and clarity is power.

What To DO

#1 Reflect upon your relationship

Especially, when you’re still young and going to university, life can often bring about quick changes to either you or your partner. Perhaps one of you decide to study in another country, or travel the world, or move to another country with their family. Make sure to regularly reflect upon your relationship! Sit down with your partner and talk about your future together! What are your expectations of each other? What are your plans? What do you imagine your future to be like? These are all questions that shape the direction of your life. Thus you will not only let your partner know what you truly value, but will also allow both of you to know how much ‘potential’ there is for both of you to seek a long-term future together.

#2 Put yourself in their shoes

Empathy! Every now and then, it is inevitable to put ourself in the shoes of our partner and try and imagine how they currently feel. Not because we may suspect them to feel a little sad at some time, but simply because this is part of showing that we truly care about their well-being. It’s simply part being a warm-hearted person and giving your partner the feeling that you care about them and that they never have to be ashamed or think twice before speaking to you about something that may lie on their heart. The real value of empathy? It allows you to form a stronger bond between both of you and most importantly, allows the one thing to emerge that is the key to a real and healthy relationship. Trust.

#3 Autonomy

Recent psychological research on relationships has shown that when both partners give each other more autonomy, these report on being in a more satisfying and happy relationship. In other words, running after your partner every minute is the best way to chase them right out of your life. Do be your own master! Don’t put faith into your partner in expecting to make you a happy person! That way you’re training to yourself to be reactive to another person and allow your mental and emotional state to depend on their actions. Give each other freedom and allow each other to do your own thing at times. This will not only make things more ‘interesting’ in the long run but also makes you even more exited every time you see them!

Take-home message. These six simple tips are based on aspects that may not always be so obvious in every relationship. And that’s exactly why we decided to write about them as it is often the little things in life that bring about the biggest outcomes.

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