Life of Max

Max Distler on University Life and 6 Strange Things People Do That Genuinley Piss Him Off.

Most of us have no clue what we want to do with our lives. And whilst I’m the perfect example of such, and have been changing my career aspirations more often than I change my underwear, I’m confident in saying most other people reading this feel the exact same way.

Sure, you may have a couple of nice ideas that occassionally flatter into your mind, but if you admit it, at the end of the day, you’re still clueless about what to do.

And whilst university is guided by a lot of entertaining, erotic, anxiety-induced, depressed, and I-don’t-know-what-to-do moments, I’ve observed a couple of things, that seem to occur over and over again. Almost like a pattern.

And by that, I don’t mean good things. These are things that genuinley PISS ME OFF and FREAK ME OUT!

…and the fun all starts before you even get to university…. namely, with your applications.

#1 ‘What can you bring to this course?’

What this question should really ask is;

‘How are you not going to completley embarass us?’

Let’s be honest.

The university doesn’t actually give a fuck if you make valueable course contributions or sit in the first row. As long as you deliver a solid grade at the end of the semester, nobody cares whether you watch gay bondage porn in your basement or binge drink with your flat mates until heart failure.

…and even if you’re the one who has performed well academically and done a summer-internship at the local bakery or an investment bank, odds are you’re still unlikely to reinvent the wheel or achieve anything of major significance during your undergraduate/postgraduate studies.

If you’re so convinced that you’ll become the next Larry Page or Sheryl Sandberg, then perhaps they can put you under theย ‘Noteable alumni’ section on their Wikipedia page once you actually make the big bucks.

Let me think… anything I forgot?

Oh I know! REAL value you’ll bring by empyting your wallet. But you don’t have a choice about that… so why not just stop asking the question?!

#2 Using 6 different machines in the gym at the same time

If you’re going to do super-sets, then DO THEM, and don’t leave your smelly towel lying on another machine whilst scrolling through your playlist at the other end of the room. People want to work-out and not wait until you’ve finished reading your moms text-message!!

What I love most is those people who tell me I’ve been occupying THEIR machine, whilst trying to get the blond girl everyone gawks after, to go out on a dinner date.

It’s not YOUR machine and she’s not gonna go out with you if you make it so obvious and keep staring at her ass you goddamn creep!

#3 People complaining about statistics

Look, I understand if you hate stats and that it’s ‘not your thing’. I get it. I really do.

It ain’t mine either.

Unfortunatley, you decided to go to university, a place that is unlikely not to through a course at you, that doesn’t demand a minimum amount of knowledge on understanding simple statistical tests and numbers.

You’re not a three-year-old anymore who relies on mom to explain you some straightforward, in some cases, a little more complicated statistical tests. Stats will always haunt you whilst at university and this is unlikely to change anytime soon!

Please, it is worth learning about. It’ll make life a lot easier.

Promise.

#4 Leaving dirty dishes in the sink for 3 days+. (usually longer)

I remember standing in the kitchen at exactly ten past eleven during my first year at university. I stayed in the library to finish off a project and didn’t have dinner until I came home later that night.

As I start to boil up the water, I see the sink stuffed with dirty dishes, stinky tuna cans, glass bottles, and a bunch of other things I didn’t even want to get near to.

I was freaked out, but yet not surprised as this wasn’t anything new in our apartment.

Down came my flatmate, Tom. Tom was a pretty sound guy. He was always friendly, never in a bad mood, and because he was a gamer, never really went on anyones nerves. And because, he was a gamer and was a lazy old fuck-face, Tom never cleaned up his dishes after using them. He usually let other’s do the work for him. And if we didn’t do it, at least a week would have to pass until he cleaned them himself.

In short, Tom wasn’t only a lazy old fuck-face, but also a complete repulsive, disgusting creep, who didn’t only have zero respect for his flatmates, but also had zero respect for himself.

Don’t be like Tom. Instead, hold yourself up to some higher standards please.

Please.

#5 Dudes randomly scratching their nuts

Look, if somethin’s itching, go to the toilet and scratch your balls as long as you need to.

But PLEASE don’t randomly put your hands to your nuts whilst using the cross-trainer, lifitng dumbells, or casually crossing the street.

It’s disgusting and disturbing.

Please, quit it.

#6 Loudly burping in places you would least expect it

Okay, at the beginning I started to believe this was some sort of a culturally-taught thing most asians would do.

But after observing some random british dudes do it, in places you would least expect, like the library, or cafeteria, my thoughts started to change pretty quickly.

Either this must have been some sort of tradition I never knew of or heard about (which I highly doubt), or these kids must have been through a serious time of fucked-up parenting.

I mean… WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

Perhaps you can explain this phenomenon to me. Perhaps they are the crazy ones. Perhaps I’m the crazy one. I have no clue.

Leave your reply in the comments below.

Thanks.

Can you think of anymore things people do at your university that genuinley piss you off or make you wonder what the hell is wrong with them? If you do, let me know. Please.ย 

Thanks for reading. ๐Ÿ™‚

10 comments

  1. OH MY! The ultimate peaceful psyche has them rage just-a-bubblin’-n-gurglin’ behind your stoic smile. (imagine me all MR BURNS, rapping my fingers together and murmuring ‘Excellent…’)
    Oh, and with the burping thing, my assumption is that people stop giving a fuck about maintaining any sense of “propriety” in their general day-to-day lives. Because really, they’re only offending the people around them, nobody actually important. (I pardon myself when I burp, and I also announce my farts before I fart. I think it’s polite to give people fair warning to evacuate the immediate premesis)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. #1, oh my goodness, yes.
    Also, whose brilliant idea was it to schedule midterms and five assignments for the same day, every time? If they want to prepare me for life after university, I need to be alive after university first!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha exactly! I’m in my third and final year and have so many deadlines that everything feels upside down. I’m really questioning what the point is of giving people so many deadlines… you don’t actually learn more… in fact, I learn less cause it feels like quickly absorbing knowledge, putting it on paper, and fogetting it again…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I totally agree with that; Iโ€™ve just pushed out an assignment with so many errors and guesses for the lack of time that Iโ€™m sure I can figure out if I had some more time!
        Iโ€™m still only in my second month of university, and itโ€™s kicking in already.
        Also, insomnia is a real university issue. Everyone focuses on workloads and anxiety and depression and stuff, but I can imagine almost everyone at university is insomniac!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m a biochem major and honestly, I don’t know what I’m supposed to be learning? Heck, I don’t even know what I’m going to do with my degree?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Classic, what I noticed, especially when applying for internships, is that it doesn’t actually matter what you study. Unless you want to do something really specific (e.g. lawyer, medic, engineer etc.).

          But Biochem is pretty solid ๐Ÿ™‚ you can definetly go into many professions with that, even professions that have nothing to do with your degree. ๐Ÿ™‚

          Liked by 1 person

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