Emotional Intelligence Managing Oneself

What We Get Wrong About Confidence

If you've never been in a job interview, then how can you expect yourself to be confident?

If you’ve always lost in life and have never really hit any major milestones, then how could you ever rationally expect to be a winner? And if you never expect to be a winner, well then, you’re just going to be stuck in keep thinking you’re a loser.

Or…

If you’ve never been good with women, then how could you ever expect yourself to be a womanizer who lays three different girls on one weekend?

Most of us have been stuck in some sort of dilemma in life where we desperatley want to believe something good about ourselves, but for some reason, never end up doing so.

It’s this constant state of feeling ‘where in order to be happy, loved, or successful, first you need to be confident; but then to be confident, first you need to be happy, loved, or successful.’

It’s almost like a hamster in his wheel or a dog chasing its own tail. This my friends, is the confidence problem.

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The Key To Confidence 

Most of us live under the delusion that the most obvious answer to becoming more confident is to believe you already have everything and lack nothing.

For example – Thinking you are already beauitful, eventhough you’re just a fat old slob. Or believing that you’re going to be raving success and buy a sports car, because you’ve made some money from selling weed in high school.

The problem with this sort of thinking is that it creates an insuffereable form of narcissism in people who are also the ones who begin to argue that obesity should be celebrated as beauty.

So look, instead of deluding yourself into thinking that you already have-it-all, or lack absolutley nothing, the key to confidence is to accept that you’re just imperfect after all. 

Instead of thinking that you’re already beautiful, eventhough you are just a fat old slob, the key is to become comfortable with the fact that YOU ARE a fat old slob.

If you’re about to go into your first job interview, instead of yelling at yourself that you MUST BE or ACT confident, start to become comfortable with the fact that you’re unconfident.

Because really, how are you supposed to act confident if you have nothing to feel confident about?

Throughout our lives we are trimmed with the belief that in order to be confident we must have, be, and do anything that seems cool and doesn’t make you look like a complete jerk. We are trimmed to somewhat believe that just because somebody has something (a million dollars, a sports car, a hot wife, a promotion at work) that they must be confident.

The reality though is that there are millions of people, even these super-rich billionaires who have all of the above (and more), that aren’t necessarily more confident just because they possess a range of tangible resources or materials.

Confidence is a state of being. Confidence is a mindset that, yes, can be boosted in the short-term through tangible materalistic objects, but once the high-phase is over, things start to return to normal.

You see, confidence doesn’t come from some sort of cosmic journey or reading a Top 10 article on the Huffington Post. Instead confidence comes from being okay with failure and rejection.

Confidence comes from being okay with being imperfect. 

Confidence in social situations comes from being okay with being rejected.

Confidence in business, comes from being okay with failure.

Confidence in relationships comes from being okay with anxiety and getting hurt.

Thanks for reading. 🙂

17 comments

  1. Oh max!!! Yay!!! I’m glad to see you have posted again. 🙂 has uni been busy? I wish you would write in my tank. It’s just I dunno. I wanna have conversations with you and the others in there. Christine and DM chat.

    Liked by 1 person

                  1. Uni was great but also annoying. I’m really really glad you’re engaging with the studying content. Because that just life. Everything is a learning curve, and trying to just get on it with it as quickly as possible lol. So what are your plans with your psych business degree?

                    Liked by 1 person

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